Some Angel

Wednesday 13th April 2011 2:19 am

Some Angel.
Brilliant rays of night
touching my skin,
and for a moment I'm OK,
like I never had to pray before,
like I never learned to cry...

And this bed,
and this angel,
they mean it all to me.
in this moment,
in this place,
where I ruled the world.

Some Angel.
Heart as warm as winter,
hair as soft as rain,
and for a moment I'm a virgin again,
like my whole life began today,
like I woke up from that dream...

And this bed,
and this angel,
they mean it all to me.
in this moment,
in this place,
where I ruled the world

Comments

<Deleted User> (8943)

Thu 14th Apr 2011 11:28

Lovely, capturing a moment so gently, a pleasure to read, made me ache for such a moment - I love it when a poem makes me feel :) x

Ah, how different after reading the comments, on the surface this piece seemed one thing but peel back a little & it's something else & I definitely don't want a moment full of delusion - just got out of a relationship like that!!

Cracking piece all the same, though I now feel sad for the guy & a bit sorry for myself - lol!

Laura Taylor

Wed 13th Apr 2011 13:59

Ahh, okay - just to say first of all that I normally bloody loathe having to explain anything in my poems myself. Not sure how you feel about it though.

Right, well, armed with your explanations, then this makes a hell of a lot more sense to me. The jarring is deliberate - nice touch. I should really have picked up on that I think.

The actual two word phrase of Some Angel puts me in mind of Bogart, believe it or not! Can picture him saying it carelessly, blowing smoke out the side of his mouth :D

Poor bloke actually - that last line is a corker, upon rereading. Just one little instance of having any power - and it's gone. Like dust, his dreams just blow away.

Hey - keep at it, the editing. Don't worry about not getting comments, not everyone is on here all the time, and it just might happen that there is no one on here that engages, or identifies, with any particular piece. That doesn't mean it is a Bad Poem! (of course, it could mean that it's a Terribly Shit Poem - but I prefer to think otherwise, heh). Can be a little disconcerting though, when you've slaved over something, only to have it seemingly ignored ;D I've seen some absolutely brilliant poems (that I think are brilliant anyway) get only 1 or 2 comments, if that.

Anyway, epic all done! Thanks for the explanation, and again I look forward to seeing further poems by you :)

Terry White

Wed 13th Apr 2011 13:22

I really wanted to give it the feel of someone who doesn't know what's best for him. Like he has it all wrong.

"Brilliant rays of night touching my skin" - When I was writing this I pictured a man pretty much down and out, sitting in a dark smokey room, maybe he'd been drinking, a small crack in the curtains let in a single ray of light, like hope, that landed on him, making him think maybe it'll be alright, but knowing it never would.

"Heart as warm as winter hair as soft as rain" -
Hearts are wishy washy things, they can burn with passion one minute and be filled with contempt the next, rain isn't that soft, usually it stings, again I wanted to show that maybe the guy doesn't have a clue what's good for him, that this girl that he has idolized isn't what he has made her out to be.

It's meant to be a sad poem, he lives in this world that he has built around a woman that has obviously destroyed him, but she's all that matters to him.

Anyway, see, this is what happens when I spend all day editing something, I think way too much into it and it comes out crazy.

Laura Taylor

Wed 13th Apr 2011 11:55

I like this overall but some lines jar a bit for me. Night rays? I guess you could say this was linked to the moon. And 'heart as warm as winter' - well, again, I suppose it could be a warm room in winter?

I like the repetition - gives it a song-like feel

How's the Sunday Editing going? :)

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Some Angel

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