Blind Alley (old poem)

The psychic grinned at me
as I slid her a twenty.
She slapped the cards down
and stared intently at them.
Her eyes raised
to meet mine,
and I knew the bullshit was coming.
Her mouth moved swiftly
just like her hands over the cards,
but all I heard
were my own thoughts.
She paused to let her words sink in,
but I thought about the pieces
that fell away from my life
to leave me with nothing.
Her mouth moved once more,
and I realized that I haven’t cried once
through everything I went through.
Her eyes narrowed
because she realized
that I was no longer with her.
She demanded to know
what was on my mind,
and I said,
“I have lost myself
because I can’t see past where I am.
Through all the shit I have been through,
why didn’t I cry?”
She smiled and fed me her bullshit,
and the reading was over.
Her fingers curled around the twenty
like a vice,
and I left
without any answers.