Richard Brooks

Welcome to the City

by Richard Brooks

Friday 15th August 2008 10:32 am

Welcome to the city of many faces

the city of angels, of demons, of men, of women

youths fashioned with the latest sports gear,

k swiss trainers, stone island jackets instilling fear

streets moving fast, cars, buses, crowds of people

salesmen, businessmen whizzing past

Welcome to the city of dreams

the place to find yourself,

your calling is here, standing near,

for artsists, buskers, the one man band

celebrities, nobodies rushing around

students, ravers, the rich and the homeless,

salaries, pentions and talented loners,

supermodels, fashion freaks and size zero girls,

internet hookups inside hotels,

public break-ups, a night in the cells

people in a rush, ignoring signs,

ambulances, paramedics, wasted lives

Have you been to this city?

Have you walked its streets?

Have you smelt the air?

Have you heard its beats?

Welcome to the city of imperfection

black cabs on street corners, prostitutes loitering in hidden corners

familair faces, torn down places,

theatres, exhibitions and sex with strangers, std's and killer teens,

mid life crisis, builders, painters, drinking alone

a perfect family, a broken home

Roadside cafes, inner city bars, un-heard poets and uninsured cars

Have you been to this city?

Have you walked its streets?

◄ Genesis

Painful Words ►

Comments

Jeff Dawson

Sun 17th Aug 2008 17:29

Hi Richard, good stuff, like coupled rhymes, maybe could have been a bit more hard hitting, but good for a gig! cheers Jeff

<Deleted User> (4446)

Fri 15th Aug 2008 18:53

I think this is a really good performance piece. Great Stuff!

darren thomas

Fri 15th Aug 2008 12:19

Hi again Richard - (so much for my revision). There is nothing 'wrong' with your poem as it stands but let's ask ourselves 'how many poems/songs have been written about cities and their under-bellies?' Fookin' thousands. So, it's hard to try and avoid those phrases which have grown, over the years, to become a writer's nemesis - cliché. Leave talking in clichés to the footballers and try to avoid saying what has already been said in a way that's already been said. That's the hard part for any writer but that's the challenge too. There are writers on this site who are already developing a unique style. In reality, we all have a unique way of expressing ourselves but it's difficult to transfer that 'voice' into unique written words.
There is nothing more uplifting than listening to or reading any amount of text that is original and describes the world from a perspective that we haven't even considered.
Billy Collins is great at doing this and our very own Moxy Casimir, to name but two.

<Deleted User> (5646)

Fri 15th Aug 2008 11:30

Hi Richard,
I picked up on the pulse of your poem, which i agree would go down well at an open mic gig.
In my opinion, the second line felt better when i changed it to "of men and women," but that's maybe being a little too picky.

On the whole i feel it's a city of imperfection, seeking perfection. But then aren't we all.

Sorry, i'm a bit sickly today after counting 2 pieces of chewing gum and numerous bits of carrot which i can't remember eating yesterday.
love Janet.xx

darren thomas

Fri 15th Aug 2008 11:07

I suspect that Salford could be a good inspiration for this poem. It's wise not to name names because as I read it, it's a generic city. It could be any one of our major cities. That apart Richard, I always become uncomfortable with poems that, if you take away a little poetic meat, you're left with nothing but a list of things. This works in some contexts but can become a little diluted in others. Most of the things you talk about, people are well aware goes on. They may not see it, but they're aware about it. What goes on in a city that they may not be aware of? Is there anything?
I picked up a rhythm after reading it more than once, and could easily imagine it being performed. I know there is a rhyme in there but not sure if it's consistant, running, structured or otherwise. The ending begs the simple answer - yes or no. Those that say 'yes' could be quite dismissive about what you have to say. Those that say 'no' you want them to become curious. To nudge forward with curiosity at something that looks maccabe or awful, like people do at the scene of traffic accidents. Asking what is a closed question will nearly always give you a single word answer. Could you not ask people 'why' they still choose to walk the streets if things are as bad as they a painted in your piece or why would people 'choose' to live there. Just another angle to look from.
As it stands it's a decent piece but when you start talking about cities and the beast which dwells in every one of our cities, there needs to be the smallest of things that we can highlight which is significant enough to stand out against the size of a city. For example; you could talk about Salford Quays and the millions spent about how wonderful it looks and then about the used condom that is lying in an empty disabled parking bay. I'm waffling now Richard, sorry. In short - I try to avoid lists. Lists are for shopping!
Now, where's my tin hat?

Richard Brooks

Fri 15th Aug 2008 10:23

Constructive criticism please! Anything you think can be improved?

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