‘Does my bum look big in this?’

she asked.

‘Your bum looks big in

everything,’ I explained.

‘Are you serious?’ she said.

‘It takes a bum to know a bum,’

I replied, ‘and this is between us;

it don’t concern you.

In fact, me and your

exquisite behind

have been having a

fantastic relationship for

some time now.

We’ve been seeing

each other

behind your back.’

She went on: ‘And

I’ve been eating nothing but salads too.

The fridge is full of lettuce.

What are we gonna do?’

‘I’ll buy a rabbit,’ I suggested.

She didn’t laugh but

tried on another outfit

and me and her arse

looked at one another with lust

and listened to her go on.