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a shadow of his former self

For comfort he draws on cigarette
A fixed gaze
Trance
You can clearly see the contemplation
That well ploughed brow
The muscles never rest
The thousands in his face
If coloured then a Rhubicks cube
Mixed up re arranged
Exhales tries to forget his past
But his lungs hang black like 2 dripping bats
And skin tannin yellow
And artery fat
Says it all that
Party time abuse
Catches up with you
A shadow of his former self
A product sell by date expired shelf
Tired eyes finally fading
His bitterness once shallow
Wading now
An encroaching tide
Fills up a world
He feels he no longer fits
Yet to embrace it
Mr Rhubick
People are Rhubicks
All mixed up the different colours
Integrate
And when attempting to co ordinate
Hours I seem to waste
And no thanks from plastic squares is given
He pulled over at the next motorway service station
But his side was closed
A pre cast footbridge connected him
To cold garage sandwiches and a coke
The fizz caught his nostrils out
And he choked a while
Almost regurgitating
He sighed and the sound was underlined
By the hypnotic roar of speeding car tyres
The carriageway seemed to surround him
The sound had bounced from every steel rim
Garage sandwiches
Garage flowers
Garage porn
Garage yawn the RAC have a drink
Like red bull
A skiff full of it
Gives the caffeine hit
To endure the journey
Ice cold Inuit
May as well be

◄ mistress of the flowers

the beggar man ►

Comments

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Jeff Dawson

Sun 7th Sep 2008 21:30

Mmmmmm sounds familiar Pete, great write, cheers Jeff

<Deleted User> (4281)

Sat 6th Sep 2008 23:20

Hello, Pete

The poem does not resemble you from the past. It sounds like someone quite old and weary with his life experiences. Someone who might be depressed trying to smoke the cigarette to kill his time, thinking of those days gone by...You gave this poem life, it would sound wonderful if you presented in the open microphone. Quite entertaining listening to your voice sample. Thank you for the comment about my voice ...Smile.

Warm Regards,
Zuzanna

<Deleted User>

Sat 6th Sep 2008 11:26

Hello Pete,
" Hours " I " seem to waste."
That one line really jumped out at me from this poem.
Otherwise, it is excellent. The grey of a life intermingled with the use of the rubik cube colours of the people intermingled is a great metaphor.
I could almost smell the garage. And those sandwiches are pretty tasteless, i can tell you.
The flowers are colourful but never last long, in the fuel ozone.
I enjoyed your story-line. Thankyou.
Tara.

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Moira

Sat 6th Sep 2008 11:05

Hi Pete,
Love the "black dripping bats...encroaching tide"
I feel you strengthen the shadow metaphor with reference to the cold, steely, soulless, lost space of the 'deadened' motorway service station...shadowlands.

Enjoyed shadow of the former,,,,Good!

Moira

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clarissa mckone

Sat 6th Sep 2008 06:08

HI Pete,
Interesting poem, made me think of an old man, my grandfather, you know the one, the drinker/heavy smoker/sick-o. Poor guy, put a shot gun in his hands and Id bet money it was him. I enjoyed the line about his lungs and bats, an excellent way to describe them. Gosh that Rhubicks cube can drive me mad. Anyway interesting poem.

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