Phil's first attempt at Haiku
Strong wind blows
Tall trees fall
Were they heard?
Baubles and sparkling lights
Imitation plastic tree
Carbon footprint for Jesus
Spider’s web across branches
Early morning dew
Breakfast
Dawn cracks open like an egg
I see the whites of their eye
Scrambled visions of a new day
Hyena laughs loud
Dead meat
Laugher dies
Zebra drinks
Crocodile snaps
Space at waterhole
White horse canters
Sediment stirred
Beach drifts
©Phil Golding 10/08
<Deleted User> (5646)
Tue 7th Oct 2008 11:58
Hi Phil,
I love the imagery of the first four.
But i'm sorry to be the one to tell you, there is a specific number of syllables which should be used before it can be calles Haiku.
The ruling states. Five in the first line,
Seven in the second and five again in the third.
Keep on practising though. If you can't juggle with what you already have, at least try to use your images in other work.
Nothing should go to waste.
Love Janet.xx
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Alan Summers
Mon 29th Mar 2010 12:53
Hi Phil
Keep writing haiku! It's an often repeated mistake down the years that haiku are a fixed number of syllables.
Alan
================
Tips about writing a Haiku
================
It's an urban myth that haiku have to be 5/7/5 English-language syllables.
If you do write them that way make sure your writing is natural.
Many traffic signs in Japan are 5/7/5 but they are certainly not haiku. ;-)
Think of a haiku as two parts, one line and two lines, doesn't matter
which order.
Use a subtle clue to suggest the season e.g.
cool morning
birdsong
light on a distant cloud
Alan Summers
1. Haiku Friends Vol. 3 Ed. Masaharu Hirata, Osaka, Japan (2009)
2. Birdsong - a haiku sequence Together They Stood Poetry Now 2004 ISBN 1844607852
3. Azami Haiku in English Commemorative Issue 2000
4. Modern Haiku, USA Fall, October 1999
'cool' is a clue to the season. This clue is also known as a kigo, or season word. Cool is a clue or season word suggesting Summer.
Sometimes the season clue can be obvious and even point to a specific day e.g.
allhallowmas...
the goblins go back
into their books
Alan Summers
1. The Haiku Calendar 2010 ISBN 978-1-903543-27-6 (November)
2. Haiku Friends 2 ed. Masaharu Hirata, Osaka Japan 2007
So remember to indicate the time of year with a seasonal clue, and that's your one line finished.
Next is the two line part otherwise known as the 'phrase'.
I prefer to write about something I've personally experienced, as it's also a great reminder, even years later, of what happened. e.g.
a girl’s laughter
in and out of nettlebeds
a cabbage butterfly
Alan Summers
1. Runner up Snapshot Press Millennium Haiku Calendar Competiton
2. Highly Commended 1997 Hobo Haiku International Competition, New South Wales, Australia
3. The Redmoon Anthology 1997 ISBN 0-9657818-5-2 Redmoon Press U.S.A.
4. Haiku International, Japan May 1997
'cabbage butterfly' suggests the time around Summer, and the girl's
laughter in the nettlebeds reminds me of a wonderful time in an inner-city farm.
Have a go yourself, it's easy, but remember to make the language sound
natural, especially if you do want to attempt 5/7/5.
Good luck!
Alan
With Words:
www.withwords.org.uk/what.html
Blog: http://area17.blogspot.com
.