Down by the River
I was down by the river when the music began
A half cut Rasta beating on a tin can
A slithering rhythm that crashed with the waves
I danced with the suits and the kings and the slaves
The bass line was rising, then sunk like a ship
The movement was grooving all down the strip
Girls on my mind and speed in my shoes
The tide was turning and I couldn’t refuse.
I was down on the river when the music began
With no real trace of a policeman
The trumpets were calling and floating away
Into the night, more games to play
Dancing along to the big bright lights
With screams and dreams, supreme delights
We found our peace upon the shore
Where fun and laughter never bore
I was down on the river when the music began
Never did I think this was part of the plan
The hoodies and the bikers were all in a trance
The wind picked up and started to dance
And quick as a flash came the musical climax
Everybody’s head was on fire like smokestacks
Now was the time when we all were together
And all of our bodies were light as a feather
Down by the river we danced on the breeze
The bass was starting to tickle and tease
When through the crowd came shields and bats
And swarmed across the bank like rats
Injecting fear inside the groove
Trying to make the masses move
Along the line without a fight
But no one will forget that night
Down by the river where the music died
And nothing was over analysed
And all the people bustled on
Back to where they all came from
Some were busy, some were lost
Inside the city’s bitter frost
But now they can say that they were there
When the music began on a wing and a prayer
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 10th Feb 2012 17:06
I like the subject matter, and it has a certain flair. IMO, some lines are quite good; and you've kept up a persistent rhyme scheme, sometimes a bit awkwardly. Perhaps there is just too much material here, a common indulgence that tends to lose the reader rather than suck him into the writer's ideas. I fight this tendency all the time. Keep writing. It's a good idea to read your own stuff out loud as you compose.