Mr. Miles has gone to work today,

though he hadn’t slept-not for a second!

All night coughing and choking,

it wasn’t the smoking

but chemical warfare, he reckoned!

“It came in through the taps,

caused my will to collapse,

then the aural transmitters were implanted.

It’s the Green Party, see,

they’ve put spells on me, 

now I’m not myself – I’m enchanted!”  

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today,

it’s something on which he insisted.

We tried to persuade

him to stay in the shade

but found his arm couldn’t be twisted.

At breakfast the talk

was of how far he’d walk

until he broke down in a swelter.

I bet someone a pound

he’d be turning around   

before he got past the bus shelter.

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

and left to a standing ovation.

His outward display

was all gloomy and grey,

yet he secretly purred with elation. 

It were just like those chaps

who’ve run so many laps

and then enter the finishing straight.  

His legs turned to jelly, 

there were pains in his belly,

but he just made the 8.28.

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

and got a tremendous reception.

There’s not usually cake

at the 10 o’clock break

though today they made an exception.

Oh, there were such a fuss 

when he got off the bus,

though Doris, she tried to look stern.

And then Mr. Miles 

gave her one of his smiles,

she didn’t know which way to turn!

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

despite the rewards being meagre.

Why! A bus-fare return

costs him more than he’ll earn,

still he seems to be willing and eager.

Whilst some put their wage

away for old age

he lives for today not tomorrow.

“What’s the point being thrifty?  

I can’t take it with me

and when I’ve spent mine I can borrow.” 

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

and couldn’t decide which was best.

To toil inside or out

provoked turmoil and doubt

and by neither was he much impressed.

Too shy and too proud

to hang out in the crowd,

yet he didn’t like being alone.  

He took one more drag

on his seventeenth fag

and wished he’d a mobile phone.

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

and stared up and down at the earth.

He’d grown sick of this circus

and life held no purpose,

he wondered, “what is it all worth?”

Looking off in the distance

he begged for assistance

from this world or from outer space.

He sought with his eye

for a sign from the sky

and a passing bird shat on his face.

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today

and asked for a chat with the staff.

They sat in the office

with biscuits and coffees

and Mr. Miles made them all laugh.

He complained that the greens,

the potatoes and beans

were involved in a devilish plot.

They would snigger and talk

when he lifted his fork

and call him things that he was not!

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today,

he left without being excused.

He couldn’t eat lunch

with the rest of the bunch

“They’re the jury and I’m the accused!”

Back home before noon

which was really too soon,

he lambasted the Green Party spies

as he spoke of his fears

about cauliflower ears

and how all the potatoes had eyes. 

 

Mr. Miles has gone to work today, 

we made an assessment of risk.

We spoke for some hours

to the plants and the flowers:

it’s recorded on compact disc.

We found there’s no basis 

to his claims, “they made faces,

blew kisses and called me petal!”.

Though our judgement is binding

Mr. Miles is still finding

it hard to grasp hold of this nettle.

But that’s how the matter must settle.