Spring
Unknowingly you woke up this morning to
the instant in which spring conquered the darkness
that accompanied you every morning out
of bed. The abstracting silence of the night
replaced by the symphonic call of the first migrating geese:
passengers of the unpredictable railway of the seasons.
In their shed white feathers you read about their
tired flight, and in the way they stuck together, as the
wind gently swept them into the ancient willow, you smelled the
perspiring fusion of devoted and monogamous love.
In their broken symmetry you tasted the precipitated escapade
from the furious predator of isolation. And in their silent
repose on the cold waters of the river you admired a wise
sense of accomplishment after a winter of victories and
defeats. The sun now embraced their tired flight as you
were caught prisoner of the crisp realization that
all your life had been a preparation for the next step you
were about to take into the confines of a spring of awareness
<Deleted User> (10123)
Wed 7th Mar 2012 11:44
I don't often take to 'prosetry'. Bill the Bard (william Shake-a-spear)was pretty good at it. Juxtaposition of phrasing comes to mind (lines 3 - 4: 'that accompanied you out of bed every morning' may seem a wee bit twee but resloves any slight stumble the reader may encounter. Does the revision carry that metrical, rhymical flow that is so important for this style? Hope I'm not too hard. Ta much.