To bed last night at a reasonable hour

But still a good few pints and a curry

Nestling in my bloated stomach. Devour

At this rate and, my friend, obesity

Will catch you, or, at least, the pregnancy

Look when you stand sideways by a mirror

And pull your shirt up, as I did in the

Hotel bathroom last night (this was BEFORE

The huge curry at Kushi’s…) We waged war

On Scottish chickens this week with such power

That now it’s over, they will cluck ‘Hooray!’

And try to procreate, even the score

Oh esteemed poultry of auld Edinburgh

We humbly wave the white flag. We’re sorry!