You were there for my first heartbeat

I was there for your last.

From baby rattle to death rattle we go,

Time slips by so fast.

 

Did you even know, in your final throes

I was there, and that you were loved.

And what about that religious stuff?

Do you look down on me from above?

 

When you opened your eyes, for that one last sigh,

was it then I became a man?

Was that the end, of the parts that you'd lend,

to make me who I am?

 

Things not said.

Words written, unread.

Memories still to be shared.

I know i've grown,

but you should have known

without you, i am still scared.

 

I'd call you sometimes

and you'd say "Oh, i'm fine"

though you weren't fucking fine Mum,

were you!?

The anger i feel!

How could life just steal,

the one person i always could turn to?

 

There must have been times,

such lovely times, when you held me,

and cradled my head.

But i'm left with a scene, too vivid a dream.

The image of how you looked dead.

 

The twist of your lips, when it was all done.

How your mouth was left there gaping.

I hope to hell, was just a door in your shell,

left open for your soul escaping.

 

You'd been stuck for years, your pain and fears

disguised in your slippers and nightie.

So fragile and weak, though people still speak,

of the days you stood small, but mighty.

 

Always strong, never admitted a wrong.

Stubborn, and often plain moody.

You were always my Mum, and i was always your Son.

Not was, I always will be.

 

You were there for my first heartbeat.

I was there for your last.

Time slips by so swiftly

How i wish grief would move so fast.