My pond
Subtle noise.
I try to poise my thoughts.
Subtle noise.
I try to poise my thoughts.
IMHO, I can see what you are trying to do here and it works well, one critique i would give is that you have gotten bogged down with detail and in so doing have lost a little of its poetic potential. I would try a rewrite because i think it is certainly worth building on. But that's just my humble opinion. Judging by how you write, my suggestion is that it is a deep pond indeed, full of life and filled with awe. Yes there is reference to regrets, we all have them.
Great poem, great theme and great thinking.
Best wishes, from Mike
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Amy Houston
Sat 22nd Jun 2013 11:53
Thanks Mike, I have been sat on this one for a while and desperately needed input so thank you. I am going to take your advice and have a trim down see if I can get the best from it.