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SHOOTING STARS

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SHOOTING STARS by shane alexander we burn brightly at birth, deliverd by the universe, destination earth. The curse is,we dont burn forever, one by one,falling victim to the atmospheric weather. Although we fall from the stars together, some stars diminish quicker than others, deliverd back to heaven. Some stars think they burn for eternity, while other stars know theres no certanty. Thats why they shine bright, in this worldy limelight, and look back in highinsight when this life is over, so....Shine like a supernova, feel blessed the gods picked you to fall from the solar...

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Noetic-fret!

Sat 21st Feb 2009 10:45

The content of this poem is brillaint, makes you think. The comment from Elise is valid, I have to agree, on the page it needs, not necessarilly an order, a structure, but it needs better presentation. I think this one could be an epic, but the links make it sound a bit disjointed. If it were perhaps a little more fluid and flowin, it would provoke more than just a startle, it would jump out and grab you. Nice poem, needs a lil fine tweakin but really good.
Mike

<Deleted User> (5879)

Fri 20th Feb 2009 16:40

Thanks for your input its appreciated! Ive been writing since i was little but ive only jus started putting it out so any feed back is welcome! Thank you!

<Deleted User> (5812)

Fri 20th Feb 2009 16:25

As it is presented it reads well as a performance piece, on the page i feel it would benefit from the stanzas being more visually defined, but maybe thats because i'm rather new to this. would you do a sound clip?
I really like the poem, the images it creates and the message you're sending out. shine on :)

<Deleted User> (5879)

Fri 20th Feb 2009 15:03

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