NOSTOS
(Odysseus yearns for Penelope across the wine-dark sea)
Mighty Aphrodite grant my groan.
Let not no moon
nor star, nor any sky light,
Only her eye light -
Under her brow beckoning bright -
Safe-harbour me home.
Comments
Cynthia,
changed it a bit, and parenthesis-ed
that `beckoning` bit to make it clearer.
John,
Yup!
Harry,
Are these some lines from "Grease"?
Cynth,
I`m desperate for any kind of street cred.
I anticipated the difficulty in reading the blasted thing. I`ve been thinking of changing it as below.
The idea is to give it a first and last line rhyme and - by the double spacing - to isolate the triple-rhymed centre of it (and maybe cause that to be read as a single mouth-full).
I`ll mull over it and if I change, it will be centred.
Thanks for the comment.
NOSTOS
(Odysseus yearns for Penelope across the wine dark sea)
Mighty Aphrodite hear my groan.
Suffer no moon, nor star, nor any sky light,
Only her eye light,
Under her brow beckoning bright,
Safe-harbour me home.
Why do you need 'classical street-cred'?
This took several readings, but I finally lined up 'grant, suffer and safe-harbour' as the three active verbs of supplication. A full stop after 'bright' would have helped a lot. Was 'light' supposed to be repeated, according to some formula? What am I missing?
After my last poohing and peeing effort this is a desperate attempt to get myself some slight classical street-cred
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Starfish
Mon 15th Jul 2013 22:30
Classical street-cred achieved as far as I'm concerned. John Coopey, you are a card. "Grease" indeed!!
Best Wishes, Harry,
Starfish