Fiona Writes.
Fiona writes with a black fountain pen,
she writes of loves lost
and gentlemen.
She writes when the rest of us are sleeping,
she goes out into the night,
at the midnight hour,
to feel the underworld breathing.
She writes with her tears
and blood seeping.
She has mascara stained eyes,
with designer shades to hide,
the blood,
the tears,
the wounds,
the stains.
Yet Fiona has discovered an underworld,
where she feels,
she belongs,
where jealousy and hate,
have no place,
there is only love and tenderness.
Now she feels,
her life has just begun,
will no longer hide
and miss all the fun,
but revel in the beauty,
that has just begun.
Art work by my mum xxx.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Mon 8th Jul 2013 11:54
The first part of this is so captivating. Your opening line is an excellent 'hook' to interest the reader. IMO, it then dissolves into 'cuteness'. I appreciate that the 'underworld' idea has been top-sided, and that is excellent, but now it needs some really powerful words to back up the concept. Get out your thesaurus, if poetry really intrigues you, because there is no shortcut for developing your diction skills. Writing poetry is work.