Offend a Daily Mail reader - today!
Offend a Daily Mail reader – today!
In our miniscule existences upon this planet Earth
There’s precious few occurrences to occasion us true mirth
So listen up real loudly, those with brains and minds to spare
Who still hang on to plucking out true hope from thinnest air
Here’s the solution, if you’re open to such play
Just offend a Daily Mail reader today
Oh, it’s effortless, hilarious and oh so easy to do
Consider it your birthright if you hang on to an IQ
They’re just reactionary springs – coiled and waiting to blow off
To rip open their cardigans in an overloaded froth
At the suggestion there’s a happier world outside their window panes
Go on – offend a Mail reader today
For a start, just smile and be happy
Be tolerant and gay
Both meanings of the word will make them sweat and pant and rave
Show gentleness to others that has meaning, from the heart
Embrace all of humanity – can you feel them blow apart?
Now watch them all explode in a mass of fleshy flames
You did it! You offended a Mail reader today
Now you’ve got the hang of it, Jan Moir is your goal
Pretend the ghost of Gately has come for her foul soul
To drag her off to hell where all her ilk belong
Lucy Meadows can then join in and gather Littlejohn
Drop the weight of all their putrid hatred on their heads
Offend a Daily Mail columnist instead
If you’re taking it too seriously, don’t sink to their abyss
Drink in all life’s beauty, let them curse and hiss
And while they vomit on their bile and anger boils their blood
Pour yourself a long, cool drink and keep on having fun
Ah, the word that drives them gurgling into a fit of moral rage
See, it’s easy to offend a Mail reader today
Panic them with concepts of tolerance and love
Baffle them with concepts of independent thought
Horrify their senses with their own hypocrisy
But don’t panic if your pleading fails to set them free
You see, some of them are delirious in their cancerous pits of hate
Mail readers actually enjoy being offended – most days
The piece de resistance if all else has failed
The coup de grace, the denoument, the final holy grail
Is to show their blinkered eyeballs that they’re losing their vain fight
That the future’s right here, right now and it’s sweeping them aside
We’re a multi-faceted society and we’re happier that way
That’ll offend every Mail reader today!
M.C. Newberry
Thu 1st Aug 2013 14:00
This is certainly consistently thought-provoking and packs a punch from its own POV.I bought a copy the other day - not finding the Daily Express available and have to admit that other than the many pages devoted to femail(oops) interests, I wondered what all the fuss was about, recalling the frequent derogatory references to it from the worthies in BBC programmes like "Mock The Week" and "Have I Got News For You". Columnists like Richard Littlejohn fulfil the need for a Mr Angry to speak out for those who feel themselves airbrushed out of the story of a country they helped save and prosper whilst every other section of UK society gets its platform to utter strident views of its expected "entitlements" and "rights".
Let Voltaire be our guide lest those who complain about the likes of Littlejohn et al make themselves risible by their vehemence towards and intolerance of a bluntly stated opinion they don't happen to like.