I know why violent crime’s going down.

Lads are totally drained, before they hit the town.

What with interactive porn and video blasting

They’ve got nothing left, their manhood is resting.

If the foe’s not eight foot, and moving like lightning

Not one synapse fires – he isn’t worth fighting.

And unless a girl’s shaped like 3D French Curves

She isn’t a trophy – she just gets on their nerves.

And Dave, of course, thinks it was Tories wot dun it

(While Kitten Shoes festers: his job, she must win it!)   

There’s really no mystery, blokes never get vio-lent

When their get up has gone and their get down’s well-spent.