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Daffodil

entry picture

I hesitate before dipping

the rough edge, ripped shard;

ink screwed on, blue clasp,

scratches from the mind's eye;

call you up, embrace, descry

a vision from beyond my grasp, as

time and journeys flung us wide.

 

I listen for the creepers' hum,

the stirring, pollen still beside

the sparrows in the tangled verge.

From beyond rock walls, broken, cracked,

earth and roots of trees attacked,

in centuries completing the purge,

religion making way for fact.

 

And in a tuneless daffodil,

frenzied wings assimilating,

spreads a song through bright sunlight.

In sweating stupor, hand and quill,

I, poised beneath the birds' trill,

give up this silent sense of fight

the words pour forth, this once at will.

 

2014

◄ Crash Survivor's Log

Interior/Secret ►

Comments

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Cynthia Buell Thomas

Mon 16th Jun 2014 13:04

This is purely a commentary. I like your work.

I find the poem has many profound ideas, the second verse requiring a leap of association. I think I follow your overall thought, but it is difficult. IMO, I do not find that the poem 'knits' together. So I have then taken each stanza as a separate entity and tried to understand its contribution to 'the master plan'.

I do appreciate the end rhymes within the body of each stanza. But IMO, some lines/words/phrases sound forced, twisted for purpose.

You are always free to think or say: WHAT THE HELL DOES SHE KNOW? I couldn't agree with you more.

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