I was thinking about
being bad
I was thinking about
not fitting
I was thinking about
who I am
But none of this
Is about anger
Although maybe
I do have a rage
with the world
And if I'm
none of these things
Am I nothing

I think maybe
I see it as a game
As not real
But I don't really see it
As winning or losing
And I don't really like
People very much
Or this life
It doesn't make any sense
It's all a competition
about nothing
And winning seems
so important
To everyone
And I can win at their game
And then I suppose
You'll quote me happiness
I'm not sure
I believe in that
Either
Or a competitive nature
But I've learnt
To not
Be beaten
I've learnt
To keep my head up
I know
How it feels
To sink
But I'm stuck here
So there's no gain in that
Either
I play the game
Or I don't
And a long time ago
I chose
To play
Maybe I'm not
strong enough
To opt out
And I've fought
For a long time
And I can
Give up
But then
I become
The machine
Which I despise
So much
And I know
To survive
In this world
I can't have these thoughts
But I do
Wherever I
Bury them
So what is
The point
Of having a head
If I can't use it

Or maybe
That is the point
And having it
And not losing it
Is just about
All
I can
Hope for