Us/We
On tip toes,
A one-legged dancer,
Twirling, precariously
Reaching out,
To hands that do not exist,
Carpet pulled from under feet
A ground that shakes
In defeat
I stand.
My future, with you
Uncertain.
Comments
Preeti Sinha
Fri 6th Mar 2015 04:41
Hi Laura, the one-legged dancer is metaphorical in its feeling of unsteadiness and the rest are analogous to uncertainty :) I don't know how to explain better ! Graham, thank you. Also thank you for finding me beautiful :0 Tilly, you are very generous ! Andy, thank you for reading, as always :)
<Deleted User> (13516)
Thu 5th Mar 2015 19:56
What a wonderful analogy Preeti, I like this very much :)
uncertain at the end of this is a really interesting end.
good stuff.
I feel justly guilty of persuading you to delete the picture Preeti, but please don't take it as a unilateral view.
As to the piece, I repeat, it sings in a way that one imagines the style of music that you describe the dancer performing to. I particularly like the somewhat dramatic end.
Graham
Do the leg and feet belong to the same person? If so, and I think they do, something to think about would be the use of the plural 'feet'.
Other than that this is a succinct and intriguing snapshot :)
Preeti Sinha
Thu 5th Mar 2015 10:21
I could not delete my pix ! I had to delete the entry itself. Please put your nice comments back Graham !
Thank you for reading and giving very fair and just opinion.
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Corr Lens
Fri 6th Mar 2015 11:00
Ive been here. very straight forward and clean. Love this.