Zachary

matrix

by Zachary

Tuesday 19th May 2015 3:50 am

Sittin in my room, this! this heartfelt. room full of doom.

Out of this world. Shroom. ……. Pause.

Dope, coke, broke, choke, toke. this is my life.nothing but a joke.

World revolved around making doe. Public doesn’t know.

Influenced by the tube. 24 years old and feeling like a noob.

To Love.

Love.

Think about that, All your soul wants is to be loved.

The feeling you get during a hug.

Now tell me the definition of a thug. Pause. a brutal ruffian or assassin.

Is one capable of love. Aren’t we all?

Human.

Blood, flesh, help-in destress!

Is this real!!!!!!!!? real?

Reality, truth, real, authentic, true. What is true.

LOVE, just wanted to be loved. AND THE BANG!!!!!

You, you have to realize that one day your gunna die. Why!!??? I don’t know why.

How are you? Where are you?

Are you on this ride. “It’s just a ride”

Take a ride with me.

My Mountain-Top ►

Comments

Harry O'Neill

Sat 23rd May 2015 15:27

I think Graham`s advice about interspersing here is spot on.

Leslie

Tue 19th May 2015 18:25

Love this

Anonymous

Tue 19th May 2015 16:01

Yes I did intend for it to switch. The delivery would've been understood a little better through audio. Thank you for your feedback.

Graham Sherwood

Tue 19th May 2015 09:35

Normally I don't get through this type of poem before switching off. However, this has got something and some very clever phrases.

The thing that bugged me was that it seems to start off in a sort of rap style and then morphs into a narrative. Did you mean that consciously or not?

I would prefer a fully narrative style perhaps with the rap bits like...

Dope, coke, broke, choke, toke. this is my life.nothing but a joke.......

interspersed, meaningful but not overdoing the rest.

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