My middle name must be leave
Because that's what they all do.
"I don't want to be in a relationship"
Just say it
I don't want to be with you
Because relationship means commitment
It means not being indifferent  
It means being consistent 
And being realistic
But I'm problematic
And defective 
Clearly defective
Because they always choose someone else over me
Always leave and say the same damn thing
"I don't want to be in a relationship"
Like declining seconds
'No thank you'
And every minute that passes
I'm reminded that that's all that I am
Seconds 
Second best
Never a second to rest
Because really how can I forget?
That I'm not enough
That everyone gives up
That I'm just a placeholder
Not the significant one
And like the stars
You only come to see me when all the lights dim
And like the stars I'm beautiful to look at
Until your sun comes back again 
And I'm shattered fragments 
Of radioactive
Remnants 
Of who I used to be
Someone who never settled for anything less than
Priority
But me and love is synonymous 
With inevitable misery 
And it's still a mystery to me
How every kiss felt like the first 
Until you left 
And it wasn't until then
That I realized 
Every kiss was obligation
Because you needed a host 
To latch onto 
To feel alive
To feel the fire in your eyes
And once I was dead inside
After you drained me of life
You moved on 
And left me to die
And I can still feel you
Wrapped in my arms
I can still hear your heart beat 
With the same ears that's listened to you breath 
Listened to the last breath you took in front of me
And the same lips you used to suck the life out of me 
Are the same lips that made me feel everything
And nothing