The AUTHENTIC Me

Everything we ever wish,

Is all we ever want?

Sooner or later, we do not mind

We think it will be our joy

We live for it, in hopes it will come to us soon

And suddenly it does,

And we wonder why we even bothered

It is everything we never wanted

It’s all we wished never came our way,

 

But then too late,

It has arrived and caused its damage,

Rules were broken,

Morals out the window

Principles, who needs them?

 

Woke up today and couldn’t forgive myself,

I couldn’t pray because I wasn’t sorry

I wanted it, thought I needed it

Said a hello to God, But it was in my thoughts

Stood in front of the temple,

My knees locked me out

I wasn’t sorry

I prayed for it

It wasn’t what I needed,

I thought I needed it

 

Yesterday, I lost something so precious,

It was stolen, no request

Had no idea,

I had plans for it

It was my pride

I was determined to be like someone

She kept hers too

I lost mine

I cry, but I am not sorry

I thought I wanted it

I thought you would be everything

But you stole my treasure

 

Forgiveness lingers

Such a foreign concept

Forgiven a million things

This is new

“I have forgiven you” is only an illusion

thought you were it for me

thought I needed you

 

It ended

I ended

But it’s lost forever

Wish I still had it

You stole something so precious

You stole something sacred

You changed me

New me, a joke,

What do I do with me?

 

Can’t walk with you

Will resent you for a million

You will apologize forever

but I am cold now

Cannot pray

I have not forgiven myself

Cannot manage me

 

Tomorrow, I will pray

For yesterday’s theft

Maybe He will grant me my treasure

Maybe strength to forgive

Maybe peace to endure

Maybe joy in the morning

 

You are all I never wanted

Yet I wished for the longest time

You were my weakness

You were my exterminator

And you didn’t fail to deliver

Wish you weren’t so much of a lesson

I prayed you would be my blessing

My treasure is gone,

You are gone

I ended it

Bye.

 

……but what do I do with this me?