Two Impressions of Early Summer
dull pink rises
over the growing
weight
of the houses
between
the quiet hours
the morning glories
close their petals
against the evening
rain
Comments
These are lovely lines. May I suggest another word than 'between' which implies 'in the centre of two things'. I've tried to search out the intent, but I can't find it.
Just a thought.
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Anastasia Clarke
Sat 1st Aug 2015 17:46
I never know if I'm replying correctly on this site. But I'm giving it a try anyway :P
First off, you always give good feedback. It's well thought out and never brutal or mean. Too many people on the internet like to let their egos get in the way when commenting on other people's work.
The word 'between' is there to imply that closing is something the flowers do in secret. I never really catch these flowers in the process of closing. I just always see them open or close. The 'quiet hours' in this poem are the hours in the late part of the day when things are slowing down. So 'between the quiet hours' is almost exactly that. The flowers are closing between the hours when nobody can look.