The first time I met your best friend
And her husband
I can remember telling you
At the end of the night
I thought they were weird.

I can remember telling you
Their accents were strange
And I can remember telling you
The way she looked at you
All night like a cat on heat
Was weird.

The way they kept avoiding
Questions about where they worked
And they both laughed
At my terrible puns
When I wasn’t even trying 
To be funny was weird.

Their favourite holiday distribution 
Was Alaska
In some tiny town
I’d never heard off
Where there is a point in the year
When the sun goes down
And doesn’t come back up
For 30 days
Was weird.

The way you claimed after
She’d being your best friend
At university
And didn’t look she’d aged
A day since you’d left
Was weird.

Their love of steaks
Bloodred only was weird
As much as the look
He threw at me
When I told him
I loved Buffy
And was my favourite
Telly programme
And I had first editions
Of most of the Anita Blake
Vampire executor books
Was very weird.

Their use of dark glasses
Which neither would take off
All the way through the meal
And made her husband
Look like he had no eyes
Was really weird. 

The way at one point he said
The meals on him 
Once we’d finished
And for the next three days
Left me convinced
He had just scared the staff
Into letting him
Have the meal for free
Was downright weird
As well as slightly un-nerving.

And when we left
The restaurant
In the heart of the night
When the traffic zoomed
Past them with bright eyes
And the way they shielded away
Was most
Definitely
Definitely
Strange.

But not as much as
They then said
They were about to go vegetation.