Hollow screams in hollow dreams,
of hollow mind and soul.
hollow gasps and hollow sighs,
in hollow eyes lined with Kohl.
hollow days turn into hollow nights,
hollow pleas trying to put up a fight.
hollow talks and silences,
by the hollow candle flame.
hollow vows and promises,
and this hollow game of blame.
<Deleted User> (13762)
Fri 30th Oct 2015 09:44
Hi Lory, just been reading through some of your poems and enjoying the neat simplicity of your words. 'Hollow' is such a great word which sounds good spoken out loud and also to oneself inside our heads. It's tempting to use it over and over again as you have done so here but I wonder if your poem would read better with a few less 'hollows'? I like the first line a lot but I would maybe lose the 'hollows' before picking them up again towards the end. But hey, that's just my opinion. I'm not wishing to re-write what's yours. I'll look out for your work again.
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Lory Gaur
Sat 14th Nov 2015 05:33
Thank you Colin for sharing your thoughts. I think I understand what you're saying. Repetition sometimes can subdue creativity. Looking forward to your inputs. :)