feels like I’m leaving home

going for good

but it's just for one week

I keep telling myself

it's just for one week

you're coming back

you're going back

whichever way you look at it

you'll be back

 

and nothing will have changed

whatever you might think

 

I don’t know what I will do there

I don’t know what I have done here

 

and the driving in between

well that's not coming or going either

it's just removing myself

a sliding to and fro scale of distances

both sides of the same equation

with added music

chameleon road signs and Wi-Fi hotspots

finding places to connect with you

me and my phone sitting in a corner

we can talk about anything you know

talk about going round in circles

I wonder will we ever meet

talk about life’s little pains

 

leaving my home without a care

I’ve never done that before

 

wondering what it would be like

to drive away and stay away

the day the world will change forever

 

not waving

but driving

 

suitcase in my hand

sliding it into the trunk

my life all packed up inside

 

it was in Heathrow’s Terminal 5

that I sat down and wept

watching the fog ground the planes

wondering what the hell I was leaving behind

wondering what I was headed towards

 

a sorrowful of heartaches

 

a boarding pass in my hand

no-one there to kiss me goodbye

you’ve done it now mate

you’re on your own

and they don’t care

oh no

they sure as hell don’t care

 

but now that I am all packed up

the excitement pumping through my veins

turning the key in the ignition

seems such a natural thing to do

I’m driving away from home

driving my life to you

 

but still here

confused

 

 

words ©Colin Hill 2015