I love you and I hate you.
I love you for always supporting me, i hate you for letting me fall.
I love you for not giving up on me, I hate you for making me give my all.
I love you for your dedication, I hate you for the heartbreak.
I love you for determination, I hate you for my pains sake.
I  love you for true self, I hate you for honesty.
I love you with of my being, I hate you because of life's destiny.

Now, before you read this and scoff at my words,
understand that these words I say are not intended to hurt.
What I'm writing, you see..
is a thank you letter to you from me.
You let me fall in love with you,
but i never fell in love with myself.
You supported me through it all,
even when i was in my own hell.
the heartbreak i mention is not one of your doing,
it is a battle inside me, that i am unfortunately losing.
Your love has surrounded me, and embraced my hopeless mind,
But I have this internal pain, one I cannot deny.
You were cold with your truth,
and that I always despised.
Reality is what I avoided,
but forever I could not hide.
Life works in mysterious ways,
I always wondered why.
This hate i refer to,
is definately not against you.
In fact the pain I felt had nothing to do with you and your love,
it was something I'd dreaded to feel every night.
Despite hitting my knees and praying to above,
This was a much deeper hurt i'd failed to fight.
You opened my eyes to what love truly is,
The fear I felt has no description.
Thus I pushed you away and ran without hesitation.
I wanted you by my side, but feal took over.
Time has flown by and things are not the same,
our love is not what it once was.. it has changed.
Through every grey sky and storm,
You held me close, and held me near.
I tore myself down, and dreaded my reflection,
My self mutilation became your primary attention.
Little did i know, the pain i felt was not cured by your love,
It is my past, something I thought I'd never escape from.
The reflection in the mirror wasn't who I'd dreamt to be,
This hand grenade of emotions wasn't me.
The woman you'd fallen for was no longer here.
Thrown in a dark cell, enveloped in fear.
Fighting in an everyday hell, nothing had become more surreal.
It was battle with my demons I thought you could win,
Though they were not your problems, not your sins.

Everyday I asked myself how could you love me when I didnt love myself.
How could you hold me when I wanted nothing but run like hell.
Why did you promise me everything, when you knew it wasn't true.
All these things I beleived in because I believed in you.
Though the truth is i took it all for granted,
I found my escape within you and ran with it.
The reality is, our love isn't a luxury.
We do however, have an endless mediocracy.
One that is by far extraordinary.
Because of you, I love myself.
I made it out.. I left that horrid hell.