Block Me (I Don't Think That you Get How All That Made me Feel About Myself)

 

We met online

We joked about all the crazy people

The ones you block

Like the girl who wanted to wear my wedding ring 

And got her son to give me a ring

Before I'd even met her

Like the girl who turned up in the night on my block

Like the guys who send you all the pictures of their cock

 

But they're crazy people. 

Not like us

We aren't the type you block

 

We met

We kissed

We did more than kiss

I got to know you

I won't block you

If you won't block me

 

We both had big issues going on

You said it was hard

But you liked me

I said I understood

I was going through the same

"Yeah, but not like me,

My ex just blocked me out"

"I understand, I've been hurt too

She was a bit like you

But she blocked me out

But I'll support you

Just don't block me too"

 

I said I was fragile. 

I said I'd been hurt - I'd been round the block

I said I needed people to show me understanding, even as a friend. 

To show me they cared even when I fall apart.

I said it would happen, right from the start. 

 

I was there for you

I know I was

Not like just a normal friend

I gave you my time

I gave you advice

I gave you my thoughts 

I tried to give you my dreams - but I blocked them out instead

 

I want to let go. 

I just can't.

But I don't want you to block me.

I don't want to be the crazy person.

Just don't block me.

 

I say "I'm hurting"

You hear "you hurt me"

I say "you don't get it"

You hear "you don't care"

I say "I want you to show me you care"

You hear "I need you to love me"

I say "it hurts being so close but not knowing how you feel"

You hear "I don't care what's going on in your life, you should want me anyway"

I say "I need to step away, you should block me"

I mean "I need you to tell me you care about me. I feel like I'm not good enough. I feel like I'm trapped in a revolving door, going round and round. I can't move forward because I care about you so much. I can't pull away because I'll miss you so much. 

I can't suggest more because you'll pull away. 

I can't suggest friends - I'm unhappy that way. 

The only way out is to not see you 

or to see you and hurt. 

But I don't want you to love me. 

I just want to know that you care. 

That I matter. 

That you're there.

When I need you.

And you aren't doing that.

And I'm hurting so much.

I want to handle it.

But I can't.

I don't want to make you hurt.

Only I need to hurt.

So block me."