(There's a court case currently over who wrote this.  They can both nanas.  I wrote it first)

 

There’s a lady out there

And she can’t climb the stairs

At her bedtime which is

Half past seven;

She was lured was Aunt Hannah

By the junkmail from Stannah

Into buying their Stairlift

To Heaven.

 

But she found it so slow

When she needed to go -

Half an hour on the Stairlift

From Heaven;

So from ground to first floor

She just found it a bore

Like a rainy weekend stuck

In Devon.

 

So for her own special treat

She’s adapted the seat;

Now she rides up and down

Till eleven;

She sits on her mobile phone

Which is set to vibro-tone

So she no longer needs

Uncle Kevin.

 

Oooohhh! And it makes me wonder!

“Oooohhh!” She moans like thunder!

 

Now this ending will shock you

‘Cos in partnership with Nokia

She’s provided them both with

A rare gift;

A joint marketing banner

Used by Nokia and Stannah,

“Get the ride of your life

On our Stairlift”.