Autumn
steeped in memories
of dreams and expectations
the September chill
outweighed by the warmth
of our hands, entwined
in revealing a secret
you left me captivated
by the fullness of the moon
in your wisdom
you divulged its magic
knowing, that forever more
with each new moon
I would bow three times
then make a wish
not knowing, that
my wish would always be
to see your face, to feel
the warmth of your hand
for one last time.
Thank you for reading and commenting.
Hmmm that last line - you got me thinking. I think it would change it significantly, the use of the word 'last' kind of brings the closure that the narrator needs :)
Helen,
A very personal poem.
I wondered - if that final `last` was perhaps changed to `more` - what the effect might be on the whole poem?
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Harry O'Neill
Thu 12th May 2016 21:42
Helen,
Now you`ve made me try to figure out to myself what I was wafflin` on about! :)
I think what I was feeling was that -whatever the `dreams and expectations`, and whoever the `you` that `one last time`wrapped it up a bit too abruptly (Like you wanted the wishing to end)
Maybe I`m reading too much seriousness into it.
Pay me no notice. :)