This is a sestina comma discuss
I
When all’s fast, unforgiving, banana
my eyes are dry and rattling aubergine
in bony orbits asking: tomato,
give us sleep! Give my head peace! Cucumber
but, sure, you’re a long time dead, raspberry,
and not a long time living pineapple
II
We acknowledged each other pineapple
there was a sort of kiss of hands banana
we ourselves may not have kissed raspberry
but our hands twined together aubergine
we gave our affirmations cucumber
the one affirmed the other tomato
III
Your way, our way – all that stuff tomato –
and any way you want me raspberry
I could be your hidden love cucumber
that you daren’t say. And, anyway, banana,
you want me – just as a friend... aubergine
maybe... maybe that’s enough raspberry
IV
And anyway you want me raspberry
and maybe that’s enough; that’s tomato
(maybe) good as this stuff gets aubergine
better than reality pineapple
cold mattress reality banana
old age cold love and stewed tea cucumber
V
Old aged love stewed and cold tea cucumber
not the life I’d wish on you raspberry
all’s fast and unforgiving when banana
you’re young and life’s for living tomato
no cold stewed tea for you. love pineapple –
I wouldn’t wish it on me! Aubergine
VI
It’s just... middle class reserve aubergine
Just... not cut out for loving cucumber
I’m not built for being loved pineapple
Not awfully good at coping raspberry
And you should aim for better tomato
And good luck – you deserve it banana
tercet
One day, banana, we will aubergine
look back tomato and think cucumber
what fuss! Raspberry erm... quite. Pineapple.
DG
Mon 10th Aug 2009 23:48
Thanks all