Is this what you wanted? Is this what you imagined my face to look like behind all these masks? Is this what you wanted? I am left in torment, I'm broken and feel like I have fallen. These masks around my feet were my life, lives not meant to be mine. I took them all and masqueraded as a fake for so long. I am confused and can't stand it. I scream yet nothing escars my throat but rasping whispers. Tell me, is this what you wanted? I don't know who I am and it burns like nothing else. This pain is all I know and people want me to give it up. I'm afraid of what will happen if I do...

Sadistic and self-masochistic, pain inflicted by another and myself.
Narcissist and vain, imperfectly flawed and self loathing, bouts of rage hindered for years.
Hypocritical guider and sincere naivete.

My psyche is quite perturbed
Neurosis fails to fully claim me
Cyclothymiac, bipolar with fits of mania.

This knife I traded for a razorblade, so many shallow cuts ive lost count. I'm afraid that if I start to cut deeper I may not stop. I'm still left empty, distracted yes but there is no pain in this. I can't feel when I'm so numb. This alcohol stings and I pound on the walls. Binding me here in a place I can't escape.

Who am I?
I'll carve it upon my chest. Look through the scars and peer into my chest. Look at this heart that no longer beats. Rotting it rests, in a tomb of murky liquid, slowly turning to stone. There's acid here and I can feel it creeping through my lungs, it suffocates me and I feel so asphyxiated. I'm haunted by voices of my past, I turned them away yet my walls have fallen and returned they have. I want them gone, I cannot bear it.

The sight of myself sickens me and I bring myself to tears, clawing away at myself. Upon the bathroom floor you can find me, no knife or razorblade in hand, just my nails digging into my throat. I'll laugh as I tear the flesh from myself and watch the blood splatter the white walls. They all tell me I'm fine, that there is nothing to worry about. Can you tell me any different? These things I see lead me to darkness. I will sit in my abyss and wait for the voices to subside.

When I am no longer in this life, I will be forgotten forever. For of I am remembered, memories cannot last forever. When I die I will rot in the earth and turn to dust. When those of whom remember me die, they too shall rot in the ground, my memories leaving the world with them and I will eternally be forgotten. For I will never be a memory. I will disappear and never return to see the smiles upon the faces of the ones I once loved.

The war between the heart and mind is great, but one look upon your face, my heart melts and my mind is soothed. The calm I see in your eyes puts me at rest, a rest I  can't touch anywhere else. The cold harsh truth we are so far apart. More than just distance separates us.

Words seem to be all I have left. Without them, what will happen? I will fall further from myself and the world, for if I could not write the way I do, I would clearly go insane.

So let me fall, death never tasted sweeter. These wings are broken and I fell, where was my grace? Deviate away, for I shall rip you apart. The night air burns and I feel so alive. I'll dance in the rain and let the wind sweep me away. The tides wash over me and drown me in the darkness.