Feeling Feelings

It makes it go away, nothing  phases and its great

Going through the day untouched

Nothing bothers, nothing hurts, nothing

Its in my control and that’s what I want

To feel the feeling of nothing

Not happiness, sadness, frustration , or hurt

Nothing

It feels so much better to feel nothing

Its like a still ocean waters with little ripples

It just is

But when you come to the front the ocean starts to thrash

The waves begin to come in , but they go back

It is better to be still and keep the inner peace

Blank, flat, function

Just be

I have the choice to be still and not feel

Or

Feel and face the world; they seeing me, judging me

You’re not smiling so you must be mad

I cant figure you out so you must be mean

You have a mystery about you so we don’t like you

RBF its just me

We cant be happy all the time, making a face to please others so they like you so they leave you alone, so they can say nice things about you and think nice things of you

I would rather not feel than just be me because I don’t fit in

I am aware when I feel, I feel all sorts of emotions and thinks too many thoughts

But when I don’t, there is stillness, peace, nothingness, zombie

When there is no feeling I can walk through the world and go through the day, do what I have to do with no worries

If only life was full of butterflies and rainbows were everything was just so

 

Alc 10/5/16