BLOOD MOON
the moon is on the rise
wolfs howling in the night
on the grounds of winter they will fill their appetite
now gathered, the plan is set
they will disperce and scour
to draw out their prey in this midnight hour
when the alarm sounds in the night
it will be time to take flight
to lure them away from the ones I love
with any hope of being more sligh
if not, on this night I will die
heart bursting through my chest
lunges burn with each breath
adrenaline wearing thin
their numbers growing
my exhaustion showing
this is it, there's nothing left
pulled down from the back
too weak to react
with every piercing bite, my surrender
tonight I'm with the moon, it pulls my colors from the blood stained snow
its light streams through my eyes as I go
the wolfs shall have their feast
with my end, their rejuvination
howls of a successful hunt
pack of strangth
pack with the moon
fear echoes through the night when sounds this sacred tune
<Deleted User> (13762)
Wed 15th Feb 2017 08:15
'toon' as in 'cartoon' ends this piece rather awkwardly for me. Rhymes don't need to look the same. Why not spell it 'tune' ? - it will still rhyme with 'moon'.
And the same with 'growin' and 'showin' - add the missing 'g' and the rhyme with 'thin' remains.
I like the theme of your poem, it is serious and wants to be a proper poem, which is why I feel it needs proper words that haven't been truncated. Hope you don't mind me saying.
All the best,
Colin