The roof of the barn

is down in the hay

and the land rover's

seen its best days.

But the subsidy

keeps on trickling in.

Bed and breakfast

is what really pays.

I paint the house

with purple gloss

just to let the world know

I am mad.

My farm shop is full

of cheap crap from abroad,

but the townies don't know

they've been had.

The wife has a hunter,

a proud, mighty beast,

with more hands

than have been up her skirt.

He bucked her last week,

serves the silly cow right.

Put her down on her arse

in the dirt.

'Set aside' sends us

a useful few quid.

Grass and thistles

give pretty good yields

I while away the time

in the pub,

while the tractor

just rusts in the fields.

spaying the fields

with pig shit

keeps the footpaths

perfectly clear.

The dog in the yard

is mean and he's hard

just in case

a bailiff is near.

Custodians, not owners,

we hold the country dear.

For future generations,

so piss off out of here.