I thought I'd be an orchardist

They all say "Fresh is the Best"

So I bought myself two acres

In the Heart of South.

 

I planted watermelons

And lots of other stuff

And me of the impatient Kind

They went in rather rough.

 

I thought then if I worked real hard

One day I could relax

And being primary producer,

Well - it would cut down on my tax.

 

My avocados got the root-rot,

You've heard of it no doubt.

The D.P.I bloke came and said

" You'll have to pull e'm out."

 

So I hooked on with my tractor

And a heavy snigging chain

I pulled the lot out - roots and all,

Then started of again.

 

This time I planted lychees

They all said " They're the go,

All you do is pop e'm in 

Then sit back and watch 'em grow."

 

So I stood back and watched 'em grow

The hardest part was done -

But a funny bug thing came along

And stung them one by one.

 

The fig birds ate my figs by day

I felt broke and bereft.

That night Fred Flying Fox, he came

And clean up what was left.

 

I had to spray my peaches,

I did a first class job.

That night Fred Flying Fox returned,

This time he brought the Mob.

 

My nectarines,they fruited well,

I was pleased with the cop i got.

Until the local kids found out,

One night they picked the lot.

 

White cockatoos ate my pecan nuts,

I could hear them having fun.

And when I went and checked the tree

They'd cracked open every one.

 

Now I've suffered all these set - backs,

Taken all that I can cop.

Now when i want a bag of fruit,

I buy it from the SHOP."