Waiting for love is discouraging.
A tedious and tiresome act.
I give in to temporary fixes
and take my own promises back.
I give each toad a chance
and before goodbye, a kiss.
The little girl I've always been
looks back in hopes of a prince.
Though, all have not come rugged
and many have had style.
I've given out sweet gestures
and Mona Lisa smiles.
All the while,
I am a cold and lonely work of art
with a beating, bruised and bloody broken heart
You take me back to the same thoughts and feelings
Frances, thank you ever so much! I appreciate your thoughts and I will definitely keep your critiques in mind for my next poem.
Frances Macaulay Forde
Mon 31st Jul 2017 03:38
There's so much I like about this clever observational poem: particularly the distance created by the metaphor which gives you a chance to live up to your 'Lyrical' name.
But I do have to agree with Colin, Lexa; the poem ties up perfectly on 'and Mona Lisa smiles.'
Although I would add more full-stops 'and Mona Lisa smiles...' to leave the thought open.
I really like this, so have now added you to my favourites.
?
Cynthia, thank you so much! And yes that was taken from one of my favorite songs. Thank you for the constructive feedback, I will definitely edit that.
A flair for words, and imagery. And clued right in to a very popular idea.
There is nothing quite so romantic as 'not finding one's own true love' according to childhood fantasies. And the movies. And pop songs. It's a deadly notion to nurture, yet always popular, and quite self-destructive.
Is it possible that 'a cold and lonely work of art' is quoted from an old song? Nothing wrong with that if it is, but it should have quotation marks to indicate it is not original.
Thank you everyone so much for the feedback! I will keep all of this in mind.
<Deleted User> (13762)
Sun 30th Jul 2017 08:26
Hi Lexa, I like this, it has a good flow and if you were to remove the last three lines, a great ending too - 'and Mona Lisa smiles.'
For me those last three lines don't add anything to the poem. Without them the poem could be neatly divided into three separate four-line verses which is how the rhyming suggests it should be.
Hope you don't mind me offering this opinion. Thanks for posting, Colin.
Makes easy reading Lexa.
You bring warmth to 'a cold and lonely work of art'.
Let's have some more.
Raj
You've got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince.
Nice one
Kevin
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Lyrical Lexa
Sat 19th Aug 2017 16:20
Terry,
Thank you so much for your feedback!