Her
her breathing is staggered
the pain too unbearable
she waits
listening for someone who hopes she breathes
hopes she continues
no one
never alone but always lonely
her worries eat her fear and devour her whole
taking with it the whisp of hope clinging on to her breathing
in and out
in and out
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Fri 18th Aug 2017 16:30
I had to read this three times, but it was worth it, as I think I have followed your thought. A very sad, poignant, little work expressing huge emotion.
Perhaps you might leave out punctuation altogether, letting the reader sort out the likely breaks.