There are some things I can't tolerate first thing on a morn
I don't mind a cockerel crowing to greet a fresh new dawn
But today I had roll my eyes and felt sad and forlorn 
'cos I woke to find three UFOs had landed on my lawn

Now, normally, I'd be the type to calmly count to three
take a deep breath, put on a smile, then the kettle to make tea
But all I could think this morning was 'bloody hell - why me?!'
I tried to close my blinds again, but yep, they'd spotted me

From every single window I saw scores of piercing eyes
Their red heads and antennae came as a surprise 
It made my brain go into shock, it failed to analyse 
Instead, my arm went into waving mode - and boy was that unwise

Each of those damned aliens had at least five hands
They waved them back at me, and spoilt my lazy breakfast plans
With no bread in the house, I'd have to go out in the van
do a bit of shopping, I just hoped they'd understand 

It's been a busy week, and I wasn't organised
enough to greet this landing party and be civilised
Unarmed and feeling nervous, I took a step outside
and made my way towards them, slowly mustering some pride

One chap came out to meet me with a funny sort of smile
All gums, no teeth, but his three tongues flapped eagerly with style
I nodded very gently, in a manner not hostile
and asked him very kindly, if they'd come back in a while

He nodded very wisely as he lit up two cigars
his short-sleeved shirt revealing some tattoos and some scars
The others watched in silence, their eyes dimmed like twinkling stars
Then he agreed they'd fly about a bit, take in the sights of Mars

So, I've been making sandwiches all the live-long day
They'll be back at any moment and I'm nervous, I must say
It's cost me a small fortune, so they'll have a bill to pay
But I'll be friendly, have a natter and then send them on their way