The New Boy
I gave him everything that I didn’t even know I had
More than just what’s on the outside
He knows my soul, inside and out
He can play a trivia game about me with me, and I know he’ll still beat me
He knows the way I fidget my fingers when I’m anxious
He noticed the way my lips would curl when I always wanted to laugh in a serious situation
He’s the only one that knows till this day, if I drink orange juice before bed, I’ll wet it
It took a lifetime to let him know the real me
Accidently giving someone all of you, even the worst parts is like starting a fire in your room and trying not to get burned
Drowning 47 meters down and trying not to inhale
Stepping in water that had broken wires crossed into it, not enduring electrocution
They’ll take your life every time
He knows me, as a singular, a part, a whole.
In life wonderful things happen, even if they’re only for a brief moment
And that’s all he was
Now the predicament I am battling between my life and my heart is how are you supposed to move on from that?
Now there’s a new guy
A NEW guy
How do you press restart on letting someone in?
A tree learns how to start life again after a seed from the tree is dropped
My roots only go as far as my heart would let them
My trunk is peaking up from the ground but is hiding in the shadows to new adventure
My branches don’t want kids that aren’t familiar with them to swing
I am trying to plant a new me
I want to be able to sprout and let someone else discovers what it is like for me to grow
But I am not a tree.
Cynthia Buell Thomas
Thu 31st Aug 2017 16:03
This is a wonderfully original concept, and moves forward with pace right to the succinct ending.
I think the lines could be shorter in some areas. IMO, never worry about the length of your work. If the poem is long, it's long; and readers will stay with you if you are writing well and interestingly. Which you are.
If you really don't want a long work, then hack half of it out. It takes real effort to reduce ideas, and guts to jettison them entirely. But we have to learn how to do it. All of us.
Or, just leave it long. Maybe next time it won't feel so awful, reducing a poem by one third to a half. Think strong, strong words to catch maximum intent in the fewest syllables. A thesaurus is a second brain; I kid you not.