As I reach for the bottle I stop and think why am I really drinking ? Do I drink for fun ? Do I like the way it makes me feel ? When did I start drinking? Do i really have a problem ? Why do I drink so much ? Why can I not stop? Do I really depend on drinking ? All these questions run threw my head everytime . And i always tell myself I drink to make the pain go away, it stops me thinking about everything and everyone. I always tell myslef I have to stop, I have to learn how to control myslef . But the truth is I can never stop. I can not stop reaching for the bottle . There is no other way to make the pain stop. No other way to stoping thinking. Drinking isnt for fun anymore ,its like it became a part of who I am . Drinking makes life seem a little bit better.........