That Night You relapsed,   Collapsed into yourself,

I wish you knew;

How your family called,  left unanswered voicemails, Or

Remembered your dog, waiting by his bowl,

Gnawing your empty slipper,

Clawing at bedsheets that smelled too old.

That night You put in more poison to ease the burn,

With chemicals playing toxic tunes on your turntables,

Did you guess that would fix the pain?

Wiping the condensation falling from the window,

To paint a new piece of art which,

Would be the best masterpiece of them all?

That night you felt so alone, so desolate, so isolated, 

   That those icy thoughts, 

rolled the dice that determined what I can’t call The Rest-

Why did you do it? Feel the need to,

Did you not know that buried deep in those desperate depths

Of dark coal, black oceans, clouds which cover the colour of skies,

Lied something beautiful, something

So god damn special, its delicate petals could never be worn 

away by winter.

 

Why did you not realise,

That upturned nose of scorn

at your decisions, was only yours?

the pinnochio complex,

Commenting on your courage that you were lying,

but all you did was try and make sense of it, incensed too much

at the memory of yourself.

 

That night,   the trying lapsed for you,

didn’t it? The

ticking time bomb of your thoughts

Imploded, too heavily loaded with the burden of your feelings.

oh darling, my dear, you were so beautiful,

why was I not nearer?

when i should have been,

Hell, I could've been, it's true.

Oh darling, my darling 

I wish that you knew

Dear god, I’d try till my bones disintegrated,

I would do anything,

Anything,

Anything 

to help you.