My pants have shrunk!

I told you about that washing machine

I’ve told you about that tumbling “dream” of a dryer

My blood pressure isn’t getting higher

Little Miss!

Don’t take the piss out of me

You see, my pants are getting smaller

Installer of fear that you are

It’s totally bizarre

How far from the truth you are

Like driving a car whilst having a drink

Wrong in what you think

My pants have done that thing called shrink!

 

I know what you believe to be true

Too much stew and not enough spew

Not enough working through those machines at the gym

“Try, my boy, to get yourself slim!”

Not enough working out?

I’m no lout!

What do you mean...? I’m not lean?

You’re mean

What about that machine?

 That Lillyputted my y-fronts

That umpalumpad my jeans

The borrowers borrow from me!

So I’m not fat, my clothes are too small

I’ll tell you all

It happens every few weeks

Every few pick n mix treats

Every biscuit dunk in my brew

But I’m telling you

You’re wrong in every thought you’ve thunk

It’s not the biscuit dunk

I’m an Adonis type hunk!

It’s just that... don’t laugh, I’m serious

And no, I’m not drunk

I’m here to tell you all

My pants have shrunk!