I've been trying to push myself.

Open up to my mind that I'm so stubborn to change so stuck in my ways and the irony is I have a tattoo on my left hand symbolizing "open to change" but I find myself every day doing the exact opposite.

I open my mind to new thoughts but I do not change mine. I'm insensitive to most things because I find happiness when I'm alone so my mind has told me to forget everyone's feelings but my own.

I'm more selfish than open.

I only love part of my family and my lady even most of my friends I've been dodging lately because they push my nerves to stressful heights and I'm tired of free falling.

Y'all annoy the fuck outta me honestly.

To anyone I fuck with you we're real since day 1 cause most of you hide behind a fake mask and I may be an asshole and heartless but at least I don't fake myself for the public.

Say one thing then the other,
Defend and offend then shield yourself like you aren't the victim I've said some messed up shit but I don't ever take it back.

I said I don't give a fuck about my dad months ago I still feel the same.

And even if I didn't I still wouldn't take back the shit that I say because I know what I fucking said.

To pretend I did otherwise would be stupid I may be ignorant but you can't call me a liar can you?

I thrive in loneliness.

Nobody can alert my security when I ain't got nobody to count on.

I got a girl and everyone thinks I dipped out since then but I would of dropped all of you anyways I just wanted a serious change but I struggle with it so it's ironic that's for sure.

I want to be more compassionate like I was years ago. But with experiences come mindsets and we don't die with the whole family we die alone. So what's really the point of saving the world and caring about so much stress when we don't come out alive?

I live day by day because death is coming for us all and some of you are in denial.

The only thing in life that is 100% is death itself. You'll be gone before Global warming Wrecks this world or the food supply runs out or the pollution kills the Earth and your all worried about it.

Live life in the now,
Not in 10 years.

You could die tomorrow quit living your life through fears.

Be happy right now and soak up what makes your life worth living because once your done it's over and nothing is going to matter.

I do not believe in a God,
I think Religion was created to keep the human race in line and obey laws in fear tactics.

As a child we were convinced to dream in Santa, The Tooth Fairy and mythical stories and when we're adults it's Jesus Christ, Allah, Odin, and I could go on.

You see it's a cycle.

The Bible speaking of miracles yet it sounds more like magic.

A fantasy we created for entertainment and hope and imagination but we've over exaggerated it and now we are on our knees praying to the sky.

If God is real I have so many questions because God has killed thousands but who has the Devil killed? I'm just saying if it is all true I think we have the truth all wrong.

People have a track record for mass fraud and we consume it like water and ever since Social Media we've been drinking till we drown.

Thousands drop dead every day but we put Rest In Piece for the celebrities but not the veterans or the innocent children in struggling countries.

People screaming out
"fuck the police"

Better not call 911 when a criminal breaks inside your home with a gun because you hate the law and you hate the weapons.

You sleep all nice and cozy with zero protection and then you dial that number begging for the black and blue to save you even though you were cursing on their name yesterday.

Go ahead,
Preach how you want policeman dead,
Speech on how you want AR-15s abolished,
Keep pointing at the tool rather than the finger,
Put the blame on materials rather than the person.

Y'all are fucking ignorant.
Y'all got empty opinions.
Get rid of assault rifles next it'll be pistols.
Violence never ends.
The human race is a deadly disease. 

We're the only species that discriminates or own because of color.

Because of gender.
Because of social status.
Because of education.
Because of style.

We are a judgmental being and in what we refuse to understand is that we have a rage like no other mammal.

We fight wars over resources,
We fight wars over religious beliefs,
Fucking killing the "enemy" because you believe in God but they believe in some different entity.

Ironic we put a bullet in their head to meet our "creator" the ignorance isn't bliss now is it?

You want to change the fucking world, but wait it's to hard.

You say fuck the world but wait that's to harsh.

If you agree with Trump you're a racist and a bigot but If you side with any Democrat you're a liberal idiot.

Damned if you do damned if you don't.
One step forward, two shots in the chest students in school dropping like flies and you wonder why kids are fucking depressed.

Gun control ain't gonna change shit,
Protect our children with the guns everyone is trying to take away;
Fighting with fire might sound stupid but it burns all the same so why not dump the same pain they inflict on our kids?

Blood for blood.
And eye for an eye.

Might be unsympathetic but it's pathetic when we let the man live while so many cried;
Families ripped apart once their son or daughter died.

So fuck you,
All the people that accept hate over love.
Fuck you.

All the racist movements,
Fuck you.

All the racial stereotypes,
Fuck you.

To my deadbeat father that dipped on my family and almost drove us to hit Rock bottom,
Fuck you.

To this empty anger I hold when I try to let go,
Fuck you.

To all the pain people inflict on others,
Fuck you.

To all the people that hate another because of who they love,
Fuck you.

Fuck the social aspect of hate and fear.
Fuck the normaility of rape culture.
Fuck the people that took advantage of you.
Fuck the fake friends and the fake family.
Fuck the people that judge you with no reason.
Fuck it all.

Nobody has your back like you,
Nobody knows you like you do so fuck them all.

Push.
Push yourself to get away from what society has promoted cruelty and hate.

Every one is going to die and nothing will matter when we are 6 feet underground and I'll choose to live my life in love rather than hate.

I've been trying to push myself,
To be a better person before my time is up.

And when death comes knocking I hope I'll be ready to unlock the door.