(A re-worked re-post and homage to the Man in Black)

 

I hear that whistle blowing

The match comes to an end;

The backs are disappointed – we fatboys just pretend;

That final 20 minutes just seemed to drag

We trudge towards the touchline

For a beer and fag.

 

My daddy came to watch me

He said, “I’m sorry son

I didn’t see you with the ball or even see you run”

I said “I never touch it, playing in the pack;

And as for girlie running –

We leave that to the backs.

 

I played as a prop forward

As tall as we are round

Our ears are like two cabbages, our knuckles scrape the ground

Our job is push and shoving, we never need to think

And Darwin would have called us

His “Missing Link”.

 

The loose prop’s name was Nudger

While I was his tighthead

Our hooker was a nutter – the three of us well-fed

We just played for the fighting, we didn’t care with who

Sometimes with their team’s players,

If not then ours would do.

 

I hear that whistle blowing

The match comes to an end;

The backs are disappointed – we fatboys just pretend;

That final 20 minutes just seemed to drag

We trudge towards the touchline

For a beer and fag.