I can never truly feel good enough.

It's like there is a thousand stones,

Weighing me down.

Pushing me down farther,

Deeper into the rivers I cry.

Rivers filled with the tears,

Of  feeling such immense amounts of self hate.

 

I'm tired of feeling broken.

Just when I begin to pick myself up,

I shatter.

Falling apart once again.

 

You can tell me how much you worry,

 How much you wish,

 I would have more self confidence.

 

Like the confidence,

That lies within,

Almost every other person out there.

 

It's not just going,

To happen overnight.

I won't wake up,

And finally feel beautiful.

 

I can dream all night long,

I can pray every day,

But still remain,

With the doubts that crowd my mind,

With the feeling of being unwanted.

 

It's soul crushing,

Feeling like you're a waste of space,

A waste of the air we breathe,

A waste of everyone's time.

 

You're invisible.

If you were gone,

No one would take notice,

It would be as if,

You were never there to begin with.

 

So before telling me,

That I need to be stronger,

Before telling me,

That I need to make changes,

Consider asking me first,

Why I am as I am.

Ask me and I shall explain to you why.

 

I would say,

That it is you,

 Along with every other single person,

That I cross paths with.

 

It's not that I want,

Nor need,

What they have.

I don't aspire to be like you,

Like everyone else.

 I just would like the security,

In feeling confident,

Or worthy for once.

Just as others do.

 

I wished,

That I wasn't breakable,

Invisible.

Then again I knew,

You would never see,

That I am more than my insecurities.