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Jimmy the tramp.

He holds a dead end dream in his pocket
and a lifeless watch on his wrist
He takes empties back to the 'offie
and reeks of days old piss.

His trousers are filthy and holey,
held up by a carrier bag belt.
He wears un-paired shoes on his feet,
and his stink is the worst i've smelt.

He begs for a penny please sir,
parading a dirty flat cap.
He's asking everyone passing,
pleading for any old scrap.

Nobody pauses to notice,
nobody tosses their change.
Nobody cares 'bout his problems
and nobody thinks that it's strange.

He isn't the only one of him,
he is just a stain on the ground.
A part of the draw for tourists,
a blight on those housed around.

 

◄ World Book Day

the red ►

Comments

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Dave Bradley

Fri 5th Mar 2010 08:34

I would agree with Andy, Kathryn. This needs a bit more work, but is powerful and promising enough to repay it - hope you agree.

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Andy N

Fri 5th Mar 2010 08:04

i like the sentiment in this piece, kathryn and there is some good use off images (carrier bag belt) but there is more here I think to be explored - I would like to see a poem in his eyes (if it's fictional).

Be careful with one or two of your lines here too like 'and his stink is the worst i've smelt' - thats really telling us which certainly if you showed us it could carry even more impact.

good stuff thou.

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