I have decided enough is enough

i have seen the glass bottom so many times and the view is so distorted that life means nothing.

Life is what we make it - so the next life will be better

The next life will be worse

The next life is just that the next one.

 

I am so far from home that I do not think I will ever return.  

My light is lost, it is shining on those that need it more than me.  My light is bright and it is safe and it is loved.

I have no need to stay here - I have no purpse except to do the work.

 

I have seen things, I have made the decisions that others can't or won't - I can deal with that 
I have told many that those they love have moved on to better things.  I have seen into the eyes of the scared and alone and made them feel better.  I have held those as they left this world and felt them let go.  I have anyways tried to make things better for those that I could.  I have worked my ass off for the futile and have given up on those that need to follow the light.  The things I have done and seen can not be unseen.  The glass bottom has changed my view of the world - I have seen and turned into those that I dispised the most for so long and now all I want to do is apologize to some and hold others.  I want to live again as George Bailey would say as the snow fell.  I see so much of myself in others and it makes me smile and cry.

 

Rose I am sorry - I always said do not follow in my steps - make your own, you are better than me.  That has never changed.  I am - have always been - so very proud of you - follow dreams.  You have many gifts please dont sell yourself short - I sold myself so short I got you covered.  

 

The darkness is bright, the silence is deafening, the pain is so intense it is love and love can be so painfull that it devastates.  Through all of this you are a shining star that the sun bowes to you.  You abilty to love is only surpassed by God herself.

 

I am done - 

I want a waffle with warmed strawberries on the side and a half - no a whole order of bacon on the side.  Coffe and ice water with lemon too please.