I’m late, I’m late
For a very important date
I don’t mind you see
If it’s a blind date or three
‘Cos I prefer not to know
What she looks like and so
I just turn up, give her a sultry look
and then hope for the best
(You can imagine the rest)

Now in me minds eye
She’s a looker, that’s why
I always prefer, to buy flowers for her 
But I’ve had too many shocks
Like a bird with Botox
In every nook and cranny
Even around her…
(no not going for the rhyme on that)

They’ve turned up in shorts
In the freezing cold
told me they’re young
When really they’re old
enough to be my aunt
Others just sit there and flamin’ rant
drink me dry, then ask me why
I bothered to ask em out
When I’ve not got the clout I said I had

Me profile indicated that I was a bad,
Mean, handsome rocker
When in actual fact I’m an old unbold
geriatric shocker

Ah well you can’t win ‘em all
I can always go down the snooker hall
‘Cos being no fool, I could steal a cue
and make a living out of playing pool
It worked for Rod Stewart with Maggie May
he’s got a toy girl, eight kids
and lies on the beach all day
So stuff it that I’m late for me important date
Let her stand in the queue and flaming wait!
The Urban Poet 2019